Cash is King: The Advantages of Paying with Cash over Plastic

August 16th, 2010

I understand the appeal of the debit card.  Really, I do.  The idea of not having to fumble through cash, not risking theft of cash, not having to make the extra trip to the ATM, ease of tracking expenditures… there are advantages.  I get it.  The debit card has its place, and in a pinch, it can come in handy.

Advantageous though it may be, carrying a debit card in lieu of cash is a distasteful and, frankly, unmanly practice that men must stop.  Here are just a few of the reasons cash is king.

CARDS MAKE EVERYTHING MORE EXPENSIVE

Most people don’t realize this, but retailers are charged a percentage – up to 3.5 percent – for every transaction processed via VISA or MasterCard. (If you’re a huge flaming corporate dick and use American Express, that goes up to 5 percent, which is why AMEX is accepted at many fewer places.)  It is more expensive for businesses to accept the card than to take cash.  Do you think retailers are just going to pay that additional cost out of their own pockets?  No.  They adjust pricing based on the percentage of transactions that take place via card.  The more people use their cards, the higher prices are raised.

THE RESTAURANT FIASCO

There is nothing more pathetic than six adults sitting at a table pulling out six different cards to pay the check (and no, I don’t care that Patrick Bateman did it – look how he turned out).  The waiter has to go back to his little computer stall and redistribute each item on the check   Sure, it’s computerized, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a hassle.  So you’re okay with hassling the poor bastard who has been serving you like a king for the last hour while you sat on your fat ass and bitched about the lack of ketchup?  Why make a hard job harder?  It’s one thing for women to bust out a calculator – or even for women to commit this same Restaurant Fiasco; women are expected to be more difficult to deal with, because, let’s be honest, women are usually more difficult to deal with.  But men?  Men have an obligation to play it cool; act smooth.  There is absolutely NOTHING smooth, cool or manly about asking the server to split up the check.  It’s cheap and it’s lousy; stop doing it.

THE TIP

Tipping on a card is the final insult to the person you’re tipping.  Take a moment to consider the folks who work in the service industry.  Is there anything desirable about their jobs?  Yes: CASH TIPS.  When you tip on a card, you create a paper trail, thus eliminating pretty much the only advantage there is to being employed in the service industry: easy income tax evasion.

Do not fuck with the people serving your food.  Tip them in cash.

THE SPEED

Fortunately, most places have instituted new policies aimed at making the card transaction move more quickly.  If your purchase is under $25, you no longer are required by law to provide a signature; the swipe is enough.  But some places still require the signature – and some places still have the old dial-up modem system of verification, rather than broadband internet connections.  Standing in line behind some assbag who is paying for a pack of gum via a 56k connection circa 1995 America Online when he should’ve had some cash on him like a real man would?  That should be punishable by castration.  It’s a no-no, so no more of it!

THE FRAUD

You’re really going to trust the $8-an-hour kid at 7-Eleven, who can barely put on a pair of pants, with direct access to your checking account?  I wouldn’t let that drooling idiot mow my lawn let alone access my account!

In all seriousness, we all know somebody who has been the victim of some form of identity theft or credit theft and the like.  It’s a problem, and the use of debit cards only serves to escalate said problem.  Paying with cash keeps your accounts secure.

THE BRIBE

Let’s say it’s 3 AM, and you have an insatiable desire to get into the VIP area of the club you’re in, because the ridiculous blonde who was grinding your junk went in there, and you think you’ve got a shot, if only you can somehow get into that VIP room.  Well, you don’t have a shot… but that’s not the point.  How in the hell do you expect to grease Grizz and Dot Com at the VIP entrance without cash?  You can’t swipe your card down their cracks and expect to get anything other than a beatdown.  But if you slip them some good old fashioned greenbacks, you might get to process an entirely different transaction later on.  Why risk it, Plastic Boy?

THE BALLS

We live in a day and age where meterosexuality is not only prevalent, but appealing, even.  That’s a good thing; ridding society of neanderthals is a positive step toward a more civilized society.  But as we men become more refined, we must guard against losing our gender identities altogether.  Paying with a card is tantamount to a note from your mother saying you’re good for the cash.  It’s half a step up from paying by check, which is only slightly less humiliating than using coupons, or begging on the corner.  Nobody respects a man who pays with plastic where cash is feasible.

We men have precious few avenues to express our primal maleness anymore.  Currency is one of them.  There are few things more confidence-inspiring than walking around with a big fat wad of cash in your wallet.   Having the peace of mind to know that you can stumble into almost any challenging situation and buy your way out of it is a luxury only afforded to men with cash.  With the right amount of cash in your pocket, you can pretty much make anything you need or want happen, no matter where you are or what time it is.  No longer can a man carry a sword or a knife or a pistol in polite society; but he can still carry cash, and if you get jammed up, cash can be just as effective a weapon as any other.

Cash is impressive, and it is a universal language.  It is not limited and not traced.  Cash represents freedom.  It doesn’t matter who you are; if you have the right amount of cash, you’re just as good as the next guy.  Cash trumps all – it is the ultimate ace in the hole.  Where debit cards get things paid for, cash gets things done.  This is why Cash is King, and your plastic is just a pawn.

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Late Night Wars 2: This Time It’s Ginger!

January 13th, 2010

It seems that ever since the story broke last week that NBC is fucking Conan O’Brien in the ass taking the 11:35 ET time slot and giving it back to journeyman comedian and likable chin fellow Jay Leno, The Internets has become abuzz with various declarations of allegiance to folks’ various favorite late night personalities.

Lost in all of this has been, largely, the truth.  Conan O’Brien is a fairly funny guy – certainly a superior entertainer to Leno, at least in the eyes of most people in the two-digit age spectrum.  But O’Brien is hardly among the all-time late night elite. He’s just barely the third-best late night host currently on TV.

As a result of the late night chaos, I, being hilarious myself, as well as an excellent judge of television programming quality, have taken it upon myself to craft what I call the Talk Show Host Power Rankings.  This will include any nightly comedy host – network or cable – but will be limited to the currently employed.  (Johnny Carson, naturally, is the untouchable Number One.  The Yankees of talk show hosts, if you will… but without being a turd.)

Without further adieu, here are the inaugural Talk Show Host Power Rankings:

1. David Letterman – His sharp edge has softened as he’s grown older, but Dave is still the only guy beloved enough to take sharp jabs at people – to their face, in some instances – and not lose his audience.  Sex scandal aside (what Stupid Human Tricks were they turning over there?), Dave is still very much the best in the business, 30 years after beginning his great run.

2. Craig Ferguson – I am still not convinced that anybody is watching this show (after Letterman on CBS), but they ought to be, because this guy is a loose cannon.  This extremely likable Scotsman can get away with any number of deranged or even creepy jokes, but because of his charm and that hilarious accent which US audiences ate up – so to speak – when Mike Myers unleashed Fat Bastard upon the world, Ferguson can get away with some awesomely funny shit that wouldn’t fly on any other show.

3 (tie) Jimmy Kimmel – Doughy, bloated idiot who is perfectly willing to acknowledge being a doughy, bloated idiot for a laugh.  I don’t know if it’s fair to call Kimmel the most fearless among the network hosts, but he’s certainly unafraid of giving the audience and his guests a peek into his warped mind.  Where guys like Letterman and O’Brien are somewhat concealed by the awkward schtick they’ve both perfected over the years, you don’t get the impression that Kimmel is any different sitting on his couch than he is sitting behind the desk… other than wearing a suit.

3 (tie) Conan O’Brien – I remember that first time I saw Conan on TV.  He was practically pushed out the curtain at Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show”, to be introduced to the world as Letterman’s replacement on “Late Night”.  I remember how starry-eyed he looked, how unfunny he was, and how he seemed like a toddler who was just thrown into the deep end of the pool.  I was convinced he’d be done in a year.  But this is one huge leap of faith NBC made that panned out, because he is now their best late night host.  Naturally, they’re letting him walk out the door in favor of somebody much less funny.

5. Jimmy Fallon – He’s not great yet, but he’s likable and funny enough to carry him through until he becomes great, which I believe is possible

6. Jay Leno – It isn’t as though Jay is an unfunny man.  He’s a perfectly competent professional stand-up comedian who couldn’t conduct an entertaining interview to save his soul, and has been forced to cater to octogenarians, because his network evidently thinks that the elderly spend money and are desired by advertisers.  I don’t blame any of the current mess on Jay; the man just wants to work.  NBC, sadly, thinks that his doing so is a good idea for them.  The rest of us beg to differ.

7. (four-way tie) George Lopez, Carson Daly, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart – I don’t think Leno is good, but it’s almost a disservice to humanity for these four stiffs to be listed just one notch below him.  Not one of these people is watchable by any standard.  Lopez seems to have crafted an entire talk show based around his one-trick-pony comedy act, after beating that pony to death via the sitcom for years.  Daly was perfectly suited for the eleven-year-old-girl audience of “TRL”, and has been in over his head ever since.  Colbert’s act is to portray the politically-minded version of Michael Scott, but Steve Carell is funnier, and we can watch that show without being beaten to death by the left’s inaccurate view of… everything.

Jon Stewart, plainly and simply, is the most embarrassing person on television.  His smarmy act goes over huge with the brain-dead twentysomethings who started paying attention to politics because it was fashionable and ended up destroying the country electing Barack Obama in the process.  The fact that so many of his fans believe his show to be a news source rather than an entertainment program is only slightly more scary than the thought that the rest of his fans think it’s entertaining!  Four-feet-ten-inches of unfunny, it’s unconscionable to me that this man remains employed anywhere other than a used car lot.  Somehow, he and Comedy Central have hoodwinked an entire audience of people into believing the untruths that his show is either usefully informative, remotely entertaining, or culturally significant in any way whatsoever.  Every time I consider the loathsome screaming nitwits on the cable “news” channels (such as Bill O’Reilly), I shake my head and feel sad that folks are actually watching those shows.  When I consider Jon Stewart, it makes me wonder what time O’Reilly comes on.

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NFL Top Ten: Week 17 Power Rankings

December 29th, 2009

1. Indianapolis Colts (1) – There is no doubt in my mind that the Colts would’ve beaten the Jets had they actually tried to.  This is still the best team in the NFL, almost entirely because they still have the best player in the NFL.

2. San Diego Chargers (3) – Many folks expect the Chargers to win the Super Bowl, but I urge those folks to remember that you can never underestimate Norv Turner’s ability to botch a playoff game.  That said, hanging 42 points on the Titans in Nashville when their season was on the line is extremely impressive.

3. Philadelphia Eagles (4) – If the Iggles beat Dallas on Sunday, they will lock up the number 2 seed in the NFC playoffs, which means a first round bye and a home game.  A few weeks ago, that appeared to be out of reach, as the Saints were undefeated and the Vikings had only one loss.  Amazing what a few strong weeks of winning can do.

4. Dallas Cowboys (6) – Give ‘em credit.  They took down the Saints, and then embarrassed a very strange Redskins bunch.  Their supposed December demons appear to have been exorcized, which makes their tilt with the Eagles for the NFC East title that much more intriguing.  There remains a scenario under which the Cowboys can still lock up the number 2 seed, so this game is quite meaningful for them.

5. New Orleans Saints (2) – Okay, being topped by the Cowboys at their very best is understandable.  Messing the bed against the Buccaneers?  That’s not very Super Bowlish behavior.  Panic button time may be approaching in New Orleans.

6. Minnesota Vikings (5) – Speaking of panic buttons, how does a supposedly ferocious defense cough up 36 points in Chicago?  Sure, the Bears played their most inspired game of the year, but that’s inexcusable.  Where once it appeared the Saints and Vikings were locks to meet in the NFC title game, we now must wonder whether either one of them gets there.

7. Arizona Cardinals (7) – While the Packers have little to play for this weekend (they will either be the 5th or 6th seed), the Cards have a chance to climb as high as the 2nd seed, which includes some nice swag.  A lot of dominoes have to fall their way for that to happen, but you have to believe they will play hard to do their part.

8. New England Patriots (10) – In a game Jacksonville desperately needed to win, the Pats absolutely blew them out.  This is not one of the great Patriots teams of earlier in the decade, but would it surprise a soul if they show up in Lucas Oil Stadium with a trip to the dance on the line?

9. Green Bay Packers (9) – If they hadn’t completely destroyed the Seahawks, something would have been wrong.  For those keeping score, I still see this as a one-and-done playoff team.

10. Cincinnati Bengals (not ranked) – I am just not sure they can score enough to be a factor in the playoffs.  You have to like what a turnaround the Bungalows have made this year, however.

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The new Sherlock Holmes movie…

December 24th, 2009

…was directed by Guy Ritchie.  This is bad news for moviegoers, because Ritchie is a bad director.  With a filmography that boasts such horrors as “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”, “Snatch” and “Swept Away”, one can only cringe at the thought of how Ritchie will abuse Holmes.

However, there are three redeeming factors that can allow for the possibility of a good, or even great, film here.  The first is Robert Downey Jr. (as Holmes).  The second is Jude Law (Watson).  The third is Cameron Crowe.  Crowe had nothing to do with this film of course, but he did set a precedent for shitty directors with a history of bad films (“Jerry Maguire”, “Almost Famous”) following up with a brilliant one (“Vanilla Sky”).

Perhaps Ritchie can redeem himself as Crowe did.

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NFL Top Ten: Week 16 Power Rankings

December 23rd, 2009

1. Indianapolis Colts (1) – A home game against the Jets on Sunday, and a trip to Buffalo for a date with the Bills is all that stands between Peyton Manning and perfection.  I see no scenario in which the Colts botch this, and now that they’re the only remaining undefeated, I would think there’s slightly more incentive to go the distance.

2. New Orleans Saints (2) – I saw some push the Saints down a couple spots after they came up short against the Cowboys on Saturday night, but there’s no doubt in my mind that they’re still the second-best team in football.  You must give them credit though; down 24-3, and to end the game 50 yards from a tie against Dallas’ best performance of the year.

3. San Diego Chargers (4) – Fine, I’ll admit it; I was tempted to leapfrog the Bolts over the Halos.  What a hot team.  Their Christmas night affair with the Titans is a fascinating one, as two of the hottest teams in the league face off.  While Tennessee has everything to play for, the Chargers have all but locked up the AFC’s second seed.

4. Philadelphia Eagles (5) – How about this combo platter to end the season: vs Denver, at Dallas.  The Iggles haven’t lost in their last five games and – in case you forgot – they were in the NFC championship game last year.  I know I usually forget that.

5. Minnesota Vikings (3) – You know what usually cures wayward teams who have lost two of three and look entirely mortal?  A night game against Jay “Mr. Interceptable” Cutler and the Chicago Bears.  Hey, look at that!  The Vikings are in Soldier Field on Monday night!  To quote the creepy oracle in “The Matrix”, they’ll feel right as rain in no time.

6. Dallas Cowboys (not ranked) – Big bump up from the abyss, but that’s what happens when you knock off an undefeated team in week 14.  I guess that whole December issue is solved, eh?

7. Arizona Cardinals (9) – The question has become, which was more impressive, the Cardinals beating the Lions by one score, the Titans beating the Dolphins by one score, or the Patriots beating the Bills by one score?  Hard to say.

8. Tennessee Titans (8) – I said it above, but the season is very much on the line for the Titans on Christmas.  Beat the Chargers, and you have a pulse (especially with Denver and Baltimore, the two teams ahead of them in the wild card chase, both having tough games in Pennsylvania this weekend).  Lose and it’s over.

9. Green Bay Packers (7) – They hung 36 on the Steelers.  Very impressive.  But the alleged Number 1 defense in football coughed up 503 passing yards to a team that has no threat of a running game?  One and done is how I see the Green Bay playoff experience.

10. New England Patriots (10) – No bump for beating the hapless, coach-less, quarterback-less, talent-less Buffalo Bills.  Sorry, Bradychick.

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NFL Top Ten: Week 15 Power Rankings

December 16th, 2009

1. Indianapolis Colts (2) – Back in the driver’s seat this week, leapfrogging the Saints for the first time in a couple of weeks.  If they handle the Jags like they handled the Broncos, 16-0 is a lock.  If it’s the second string, they might still be able to do it – but I’ll have less faith.

2. New Orleans Saints (1) – A Matt Ryan-less, Michael Turner-less Falcons team stayed in the game, a week after Washington had to miss a chip-shot field goal and cough up an overtime fumble for the Saints to squeak by?  It’s going to take a little better effort this week against Dallas to keep the undefeated dream alive.

3. Minnesota Vikings (3) – A week after being taken to task by the Cardinals, purple did some damage to the Bengals.  My God, what an NFC championship game it looks to be in the Superdome.

4. San Diego Chargers (5) – What a smokin’ hot team.  If they march into Lucas Oil Stadium with the AFC title up for grabs, I see no reason why they couldn’t move on to Miami.

5. Philadelphia Eagles (8) – That was quite a track meet in Giants Stadium.  Donovan McNabb is having one of his best seasons, but the defense is going to have to tighten it up if the Iggles expect to go indoors and knock off the Saints or Vikes.

6. Cincinnati Bengals (6) – By the results, it would only be right to dump the Bungalows down a notch, and give the Package a push.  No thanks.  The Bengals are a much better team than Green Bay, regardless of what happened Sunday.

7. Green Bay Packers (7) – And what happened on Sunday, to me, was that the Packers barely squeaked by a terrible Bears team, and showed that despite their fine record, there just isn’t a whole lot of “there” there.

8. Tennessee Titans (9) – Yep, it was the Rams, and they’re terrible.  But 47-7 is still 47-7.

9. Arizona Cardinals (4) – What the hell was that disaster?  What the hell is with this team?  Beat up the Vikings one week, get taken to the shed by the lowly 49ers?  I don’t know how dinged Larry Fitzgerald is, but if it’s serious at all, that’s serious trouble in Zona.

10. New England Patriots (not ranked) – It was a game they really needed, should’ve won, and did win against Carolina.  There is nothing at all that feels right about this team.  Randy Moss is falling into old behavior patterns, and the defense is lacking… something.  Could be one of the more difficult stretches in Bill Belichick’s remarkable career.

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The Bears and my birthday: a love(hate) story

December 9th, 2009

Having a birthday in December has very few advantages if you dwell in a wintry climate, as I do.  Most years, my birthday is a cold and miserable one, gloomy and dark and overshadowed by the holidays.  And that’s fine; I am not a big birthday person, so I don’t mean to complain about that element.

But as a sports fan, I’ve always wanted to be able to celebrate my birthday in conjunction with one of my favorite teams.  Baseball fans with summer birthdays have incredible good fortune in this regard; they have warm weather, the beautiful ballpark, lots of sunlight and all that goes with it.  I, on the other hand, have my abusive spouse-like football team, the Chicago Bears, to torture me.

I thought back upon it, and I couldn’t recall if the Bears had ever won a game on my birthday.  I remember a party on my golden birthday in 1990 where the Bears lost to the Washington Redskins.  So I did some research, and discovered that, lo and behold, my favorite team had never gifted me a victory on my birthday.  Not only that, in the four instances during my lifetime that they’ve played on December 9th, they’ve performed especially hideously on that date.  Let’s have a look:

1984: my third birthday

The beloved achieved their highest offensive output in any of the December 9th games, scoring 14 points against the hated Green Bay Packers.  Starting quarterback Rusty Lisch – nope, I’ve never heard of him either – threw no touchdowns and an interception in the 20-14 loss.  But noteworthy was Hall of Fame running back Walter Payton’s touchdown pass to Matt Suhey, which was – disturbingly – the first of only two passing touchdowns the Bears have mustered on my birthday to date.  That’s correct: four games, two passing touchdowns, one of which was by a running back.  Wow.

1990: my ninth birthday

Quarterback Jim Harbaugh led an explosive Chicago scoring attack to three Kevin Butler field goals.  Redskins quarterback Mark Rypien desperately attempted to gift myself and my Bears the victory by throwing a stunning five interceptions, but Harbaugh’s own pair of misfires ultimately sealed our fate in a 10-9 nail biter.  Boy, that sucked.

2001: my twentieth birthday

It took eleven years for the calendar to align with the schedule and allow the Bears another crack at breaking the hex of my birthday.  And let’s face it, if there was an appropriate decade in team history to skip, it was the 1990s.  After all, they’d compiled a 70-98 record following the ’90 game through the 2000 season, the odds were well stacked against me during those lean years.

But if ever there was a year they could do it, 2001 was it.  They came into my 20th birthday with a record of 9-2, the surprise Cinderella team of the entire NFL (well, one of them… the other one had Tom Brady).  The Bears had this incredible streak of luck.  They won back to back games where safety Mike Brown returned interceptions for touchdowns in overtime.  Hell, their quarterback had the same name as my best friend!  How could this team let me down?

The game was a rematch against one of only two teams that had beaten the Bears that year, the loathsome Green Bay Packers.  Quarterback Jim Miller threw for… an interception.  The Bears lost to Brett Favre and the Packers, 17-7.  The lone score came on a run by rookie running back Anthony Thomas.  The Bears won their next four games that year and went into the playoffs at 13-3, where Donovan McNabb and the Philadelphia Eagles promptly disposed of them in the final game played in old Soldier Field.  The bottle of Jack Daniels I followed that game with had no chance.  Neither did the futon I reupholstered that night.

2002: my twenty-first birthday.

In retrospect, this would’ve been a good game to go to.  A jaunt down to Miam in December for my 21st?  Take in a Bears-Dolphins game?  What could be bad about that?  Nothing… except for the game itself.  The Bears achieved what I thought was impossible that Monday night: putting on their worst performance my birthday had ever seen.

Chicago had three quarterbacks on the roster that day, and all three of them played… and played badly.  Miller completed three passes for nine yards – and an interception – before being carted mercifully off the field with an injury.  Chris Chandler heated it up for 86 yards on 7 completions, but blemished his Unitasian effort by throwing two interceptions of his own.

But wait, there’s more!

After Chandler proved his worth(lessness), coach Dick Jauron put in perhaps the most infamously inept quarterback in Chicago Bears history: Canadian Football League legend Henry Burris.  ”Smilin’ Hank” completed one pass.  Of course, that pass was the lone touchdown thrown by a Chicago Bears quarterback on any of my birthdays.

As you might imagine, the Bears lost to the Dolphins that Monday night, 27-9.  (They were so bad they botched the extra point after Burris’ touchdown.)  Chicago quarterbacks – dig this – completed just 11 of their 32 passes for 101 yards, a touchdown, and three interceptions.

Cumulatively, the Bears are 0-4 on my birthday, and their running backs have thrown as many touchdowns as their quarterbacks, who boast a 1-to-7 touchdown-to-interception ratio.

I can’t even imagine how this is possible.

I mean, it’s not as if they owe it to me to win on my birthday.  But for God’s sake, it’s also the birthday of the greatest linebacker in history, Bears legend Dick Butkus!  Surely if they don’t care for me, they must care for Number 51!

Ehh, maybe not… the day the team retired Butkus’ number 51, they lost 33-6 to Favre and the Packers.

Happy birthday, Mr. Butkus.  Happy birthday to both of us.

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NFL Top Ten: Week 14 Power Rankings

December 8th, 2009

1. New Orleans Saints (1) – Whooooooooa nelly, what a finish in Washington this past weekend!  I have to give the Redskins a ton of credit for hanging 30 on the Saints, but the hero – or goat – of the game was that poor kicker who will go down in history with one of the biggest gaffes.

2. Indianapolis Colts (2) – They’d been questioned about as much as a 12-0 team could possibly have been questioned, with some tight wins and a few come-from-behinds.  Give credit where it’s due; they solidly handled one of the hottest non-undefeated teams in the league in the Titans, and kept the unblemished record intact.

3. Minnesota Vikings (3) – No shame in dropping one to a tough Cardinals team out in the desert.  And it’s taken longer than I anticipated, but Old Man River finally got sloppy and tossed the other team a few passes.  This weekend’s tilt with the Bungalows should be quite a contest.

4. Arizona Cardinals (7) – What a statement game for the defending NFC champions.  If you’d asked me four weeks ago which Super Bowl XLIII team would be on the bubble, and which one would look prepared to make another run, I would’ve called Mr. Warner the Bubble Boy.

5. San Diego Chargers (4) – They did what they were supposed to do: beat an awful team.  They’ll visit the Cowboys on Sunday for what looks to be quite a showdown against likely division winners.

6. Cincinnati Bengals (5) – No style points for beating the Lions in an entirely-too-close contest.  Sorry.

7. Green Bay Packers (not ranked) – I think I pick against this team virtually every week, and somehow they have twice as many wins as losses, and are in prime position to scoop up a wild card and try their hand in the second season.

8. Philadelphia Eagles (not ranked) – I realize Atlanta was without their franchise passer, but was unaware that they also played without their franchise’s defense.  Philly put on a show even with a few banged up stars of their own.  I just don’t quite know what to make of this team week to week, but this week, I make them the underdogs in Giants Stadium.

9. Tennessee Titans (9) – Yes, they lost.  But they lost to Peyton Manning, so how can that really count?

10. Denver Broncos (not ranked) – Speaking of losing to Peyton Manning, Kyle Orton and the plucky if not special Broncos are scheduled to be Unlucky Number 13 this week.  Hopefully I will be able to drop them back off the list and into the abyss from whence they came afterwards.

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Escalation: the good kind of change?

December 2nd, 2009

It is remarkable that, a year removed from campaigning on the premise that he would end the US occupation Iraq and Afghanistan, President Obama is sending in additional troops to Afghanistan.

Remember the surge?  Remember the outrage?  I remember indignant liberal Richard Belzer describing the term as “vulgar”, and suggesting that it concealed the reality, which was an escalation of war.  I’m curious what Belzer would say to Obama’s escalation of the Afghanistan war.

Quite frankly, I am okay with it.  I support anything that distracts Obama’s attention from his seemingly well-intentioned but grossly misguided domestic agenda of implementing socialist principles to banking, industry and health care.  It took Pearl Harbor to distract a well-intentioned but grossly misguided Franklin Roosevelt from his own socialist initiatives, which themselves only prolonged the Great Depression.

Of course, I would prefer that war didn’t take place.  But if it must, and if the choice is between war with a proven enemy and domestic economic collapse, the choice is pretty easy to me.

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NFL Top Ten: Week 13 Power Rankings

December 2nd, 2009

1. New Orleans Saints (2) – I’ve been flip-flopping the Saints and Colts in the top spot.  This week, after beating down the remarkably human-looking Patriots, the Saints receive the honor.

2. Indianapolis Colts (1) – A lot of folks thought that Houston outing was going to be Indy’s downfall.  I’m not one of them.  They may stumble after home field advantage is locked up in a couple weeks, but these Colts are coasting.

3. Minnesota Vikings (3) – That wasn’t very nice, Purple.  Leave my poor Bears alone!

4. San Diego Chargers (5) – I keep thinking that the Bolts could be dangerous in the AFC playoffs.  Then I remember: Norvelous will always, ALWAYS find a way to botch it.

5. Cincinnati Bengals (not ranked) – I’m trying to figure out how it is that the Bungalows tumbled off of my list last week, but they did.  And I was wrong.  And they promptly went out and beat the mighty Brownies.  With a two game advantage on the corpse-like Steelers and the back-and-forth Ravens, the Bengals are going to have a home playoff game, and maybe a bye.  I’m very interested to see what they can do in the playoffs.

6. Dallas Cowboys (7) – It took a turkey-like Raiders team to put the ‘Boys back in the end zone after a few weeks of avoiding it.  This may be the most difficult team in the NFL to get a read on right now.  You have to like the talent, but something seems amiss.

7. Arizona Cardinals (6) – Losing to one of the hottest teams in the NFL isn’t that big a deal.  Losing Kurt Warner for any extended period of time, however, is.

8. Baltimore Ravens (not ranked) – What a game on Sunday night, and a statement win against the defending champs.

9. Tennessee Titans (10) – What a remarkable rebound the Music City men have created.  This week, however, they must face the music in Indianapolis.  The magic – and their playoff aspirations – will end, I fear.  But you have to love the effort.

10: New England Patriots (4) – On the other hand, what kind of effort was that in the Superdome on Monday, Hoodie?  Many may fear the Brady-Belichick mystique, but if you put them in different uniforms and changed their names, would anybody really fear this team?  Those five 2nd quarter touchdowns against Tennessee seem like ages ago.

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