Lost in all of this has been, largely, the truth.  Conan O’Brien is a fairly funny guy – certainly a superior entertainer to Leno, at least in the eyes of most people in the two-digit age spectrum.  But O’Brien is hardly among the all-time late night elite. He’s just barely the third-best late night host currently on TV.

As a result of the late night chaos, I, being hilarious myself, as well as an excellent judge of television programming quality, have taken it upon myself to craft what I call the Talk Show Host Power Rankings.  This will include any nightly comedy host – network or cable – but will be limited to the currently employed.  (Johnny Carson, naturally, is the untouchable Number One.  The Yankees of talk show hosts, if you will… but without being a turd.)

Without further adieu, here are the inaugural Talk Show Host Power Rankings:

1. David Letterman – His sharp edge has softened as he’s grown older, but Dave is still the only guy beloved enough to take sharp jabs at people – to their face, in some instances – and not lose his audience.  Sex scandal aside (what Stupid Human Tricks were they turning over there?), Dave is still very much the best in the business, 30 years after beginning his great run.

2. Craig Ferguson – I am still not convinced that anybody is watching this show (after Letterman on CBS), but they ought to be, because this guy is a loose cannon.  This extremely likable Scotsman can get away with any number of deranged or even creepy jokes, but because of his charm and that hilarious accent which US audiences ate up – so to speak – when Mike Myers unleashed Fat Bastard upon the world, Ferguson can get away with some awesomely funny shit that wouldn’t fly on any other show.

3 (tie) Jimmy Kimmel – Doughy, bloated idiot who is perfectly willing to acknowledge being a doughy, bloated idiot for a laugh.  I don’t know if it’s fair to call Kimmel the most fearless among the network hosts, but he’s certainly unafraid of giving the audience and his guests a peek into his warped mind.  Where guys like Letterman and O’Brien are somewhat concealed by the awkward schtick they’ve both perfected over the years, you don’t get the impression that Kimmel is any different sitting on his couch than he is sitting behind the desk… other than wearing a suit.

3 (tie) Conan O’Brien – I remember that first time I saw Conan on TV.  He was practically pushed out the curtain at Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show”, to be introduced to the world as Letterman’s replacement on “Late Night”.  I remember how starry-eyed he looked, how unfunny he was, and how he seemed like a toddler who was just thrown into the deep end of the pool.  I was convinced he’d be done in a year.  But this is one huge leap of faith NBC made that panned out, because he is now their best late night host.  Naturally, they’re letting him walk out the door in favor of somebody much less funny.

5. Jimmy Fallon – He’s not great yet, but he’s likable and funny enough to carry him through until he becomes great, which I believe is possible

6. Jay Leno – It isn’t as though Jay is an unfunny man.  He’s a perfectly competent professional stand-up comedian who couldn’t conduct an entertaining interview to save his soul, and has been forced to cater to octogenarians, because his network evidently thinks that the elderly spend money and are desired by advertisers.  I don’t blame any of the current mess on Jay; the man just wants to work.  NBC, sadly, thinks that his doing so is a good idea for them.  The rest of us beg to differ.

7. (four-way tie) George Lopez, Carson Daly, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart – I don’t think Leno is good, but it’s almost a disservice to humanity for these four stiffs to be listed just one notch below him.  Not one of these people is watchable by any standard.  Lopez seems to have crafted an entire talk show based around his one-trick-pony comedy act, after beating that pony to death via the sitcom for years.  Daly was perfectly suited for the eleven-year-old-girl audience of “TRL”, and has been in over his head ever since.  Colbert’s act is to portray the politically-minded version of Michael Scott, but Steve Carell is funnier, and we can watch that show without being beaten to death by the left’s inaccurate view of… everything.

Jon Stewart, plainly and simply, is the most embarrassing person on television.  His smarmy act goes over huge with the brain-dead twentysomethings who started paying attention to politics because it was fashionable and ended up destroying the country electing Barack Obama in the process.  The fact that so many of his fans believe his show to be a news source rather than an entertainment program is only slightly more scary than the thought that the rest of his fans think it’s entertaining!  Four-feet-ten-inches of unfunny, it’s unconscionable to me that this man remains employed anywhere other than a used car lot.  Somehow, he and Comedy Central have hoodwinked an entire audience of people into believing the untruths that his show is either usefully informative, remotely entertaining, or culturally significant in any way whatsoever.  Every time I consider the loathsome screaming nitwits on the cable “news” channels (such as Bill O’Reilly), I shake my head and feel sad that folks are actually watching those shows.  When I consider Jon Stewart, it makes me wonder what time O’Reilly comes on.

OUT WITH THE OLD

I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to fully abandon “House“, because doing so means that I’m abandoning my favorite performer and character currently on TV.  Each season, the supporting cast of characters backing up Hugh Laurie’s brilliant title character becomes less and less interesting and palatable, and it has driven me to the brink of fandom.  I end up asking myself if I can really sit through an hour of television that contains one good character and a bunch of boring-as-hell doctors on what would otherwise be Just Another Hospital Drama.

In fairness, the Cuddy and Wilson characters (played by Lisa Edelstein and Robert Sean Leonard) have their moments of greatness.  But as the years wear on, we see the same tired, recycled storylines for them; both characters are stuck in 2005.  I cringe when Omar Epps appears on screen nowadays, because his Foreman is criminally boring.  Olivia Wilde is wild(e)ly attractive, but has been saddled by the writers with so many “issues” that the audience can hardly keep up with how bizarre she is. Worse yet, we don’t even care, because despite the attempt at spice, the character remains painfully disposable.

I hate the idea of missing a classic Hugh Laurie rant. I truly believe this is one of the best characters in television history. But the rest of the show is so profoundly weak that I can hardly rationalize suffering through what amounts to a bad TV show with one spectacular character.

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The other show I’m just about done with is “How I Met Your Mother“.  This one’s a little easier to rationalize dropping from my line-up when I consider how hot it burned when it was really good a few seasons ago, and the unfortunate direction it has gone since.

Where the writers would, in the first couple of seasons, focus on the humor and hijinks that made the show great, there has been a palpable shift toward standard, coma-inducing romantic comedy territory.  For as funny and talented as Jason Segel and Neil Patrick Harris are, they can’t overcome the lazy, clichéd pap written for them over the past year or so, and neither can I.

That’s the problem half hour comedies must overcome with me; they’re fairly disposable.  Have a bad couple of weeks, and I’m just about done.  But with this show, it’s more than a bad couple of weeks.  I’ve been dissatisfied for an entire season now, and unfortunately for them, there are plenty of options.

IN WITH THE NEW

Two new half hour comedies have caught my eye so far this year.  The first is NBC’s “Community“, a wacky show about a bunch of community college misfits who were scammed into joining a study group in the pilot, and haven’t quite figured out that they’re getting no studying done.

This show stars Joel McHale, of E!’s “The Soup“.  The man’s delivery is hilarious, and worth the price of admission alone.  Chevy Chase supports with a hilarious know-it-all executive-turned-student character who serves to add his brand of racist comments and worldly wisdom, which his peers wisely disregard.

The style of this show is a blatant knockoff of “30 Rock“.  But if you’re going to rip off another comedy, why not rip off the funniest show on TV?  The formula works; quick-witted, sarcastic, jerky character who you shouldn’t like yet can’t help but love, and a lovable-but-kinda-clueless girl who is the foil in the wake of all of his shenanigans.  Alec Baldwin’s Jack Donaghy on “30 Rock” serves as the template for McHale’s Jeff Winger, and Jillian Jacobs plays the Tina Fey-like foil.

I have my doubts about the shelf life of this show, but while it’s fresh, I’m going to sit back and enjoy.  McHale is truly hilarious, and the supporting cast is not far behind.

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The other comedy I’m enjoying thus far is ABC’s mockumentary-style “Modern Family“.  A very strong ensemble cast fleshes out well-written, only-mildly-exaggerated members of three branches of an extended family.  Ed O’Neil plays the patriarch, and exactly the kind of old man you would’ve expected a non-slapstick version of Al Bundy to become.  Grouchy, somewhat homophobic (which provides ongoing conflict with his gay son) grandpa whose trophy wife – the painfully gorgeous Sofia Vergara – is a good twenty years younger and a little too much for the old boy to handle.

As with all mockumentary shows like “The Office“, the comedy is in the awkward encounters.  Disconnects between gender, generation, culture and sexuality within the family provide the meat and potatoes of the comedy in this show.  These aren’t new themes, of course, but the cast is so damned funny that any sense of familiarity is quickly diffused by the terrific execution the actors provide.  This show is the “home life” counterpart to “The Office”, and could very well reap similar success.

The show ends, and a show called “Kendra” starts.  I’m only vaguely aware of who this girl is, and it is almost entirely due to her dating NFL wide receiver Hank Baskett, who was once on a fantasy team of mine.

Nevertheless, I watched roughly twelve seconds of this show, and here is my stream of consciousness from that viewing.

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- Hmm.  This Kendra girl is pretty hot.

- Hank Baskett!  I had him on my fantasy team!  Wonder if he still plays for the Eagles.

- The Eagles aren’t going to be any damn good this year.  Westbrook’s always hurt, McNabb is old and can’t keep it together; I have no faith in that team.

- Boy, this Kendra girl is irritating.  Poor Hank!  (click)